Every time life has hit me with failures and setbacks, I’ve dealt with it. Everytime I’ve been pushed to the ground, I’ve risen up. I’ve struggled to become what I am today. Ever since childhood, whatever challenges I’ve faced as an individual, it has made me a stronger person.
But you know what? The experiences and the trauma you face builds coping mechanisms which are not healthy.
Although I am a very strong woman, I battle with depression and anxiety every single day. Every single person I have met with always gives me the advice to forget my past and move on. I get questioned why I am depressed when I have so much in life - I have a decent job, a family that loves me and all the basic necessities that are required to live a great life. What they really fail to understand is that Depression doesn’t happen because of a lack of certain things or possessions. Depression is not sadness. The anxiety that kicks in every day has got nothing to do with what I own and what I don’t.
The numbness you feel in the middle of the day, and you start feeling anxious about anything & everything in life has got nothing to do with your people, your job status, your societal status, etc.
I’ve never shied away from taking therapy. I’ve tried various methods and modalities to improve my mental health. But there are these chapters which keep flashing back from time to time.
To be honest, no l'm not okay. I feel like l'm dying from the inside out, my heart literally hurts, and I can't function because my anxiety is taking over. Nobody really understands - I may look extremely happy from the outside living a fulfilling life but there can be a storm going on in my mind.
I keep crying for days and nights in a stretch not knowing how to deal with all this. You know my mind is divided - there’s this rationale section of my mind which knows what I’m going through and tries to pull me out from that pit but there’s this other section of my mind which is insecure and has succumbed to anxiety.
And between all this I wake up every day like any normal, healthy individual, put on a mask so that my inner battles aren’t exposed and go around the day like I’m all okay.
You can struggle with depression and seem like the ‘happiest’ person to others. You can experience anxiety and seem ‘put together.’ We never know what others are going through. To anyone who doesn't feel seen or validated for their mental health struggles: you’re not alone.
You are loved. You are worthy ❤️
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