Today, my heart feels heavy with memories. So many old thoughts are resurfacing. Since this morning, I’ve been reflecting on my siblings and the bond we share.
Sometimes, you see or hear something around you or on social media, and it makes you pause and reflect. That’s exactly what’s happening to me.
The thing is, the age gap between us is such that while growing up, we were all in different stages of life. My sister is 10 years older, and my brother 5 years older. Because of that, whatever was happening at home or within the family affected us all differently.
We each experienced it in our own way, processing things through the lens of our own understanding. Speaking for myself, it shook me to my core. I’m sure it was difficult for them as well. I don’t know about them, but I never shared anything with them about how I felt, nor did I try to ask or understand what they were going through. I think all three of us were fighting our own battles in silence. And even to this day, I remain so introverted from that time that I’ve never tried to ask how they are doing, if they’re okay, or what they’ve been going through.
Since then, I’ve started bottling things up so deeply that I began dealing with my mental health struggles on my own, and I even stopped sharing with my siblings. I feel guilty about that because not only did I stop sharing, but I also didn’t offer a listening ear to them. After all, we are siblings. Especially my sister, who as the eldest has always taken on responsibilities. I don’t know if anyone ever asks her if she’s okay, if she’s happy, or how she’s coping with everything in her life.
But what can I do? Some people just aren’t able to reach out or ask, and I’m one of them. It’s not that I’m heartless; in fact, I think I’m the most empathetic out of the three of us. If someone opens up to me or shares their struggles, I’m always there for them. That’s who I am—it’s just not easy for me to start the conversation. These thoughts have been swirling in my mind all day, so I thought I’d write them down. Every person goes through things in their journey that no one else knows about, and the same goes for us siblings.
I may never say it out loud, but I am incredibly proud of my siblings. I’ve seen how far we’ve come—from the situations our family and parents faced, situations that would have broken anyone else. But my siblings? I don’t even know how to express it—they’ve shaped their lives so beautifully. I feel so proud of them.
On both sides of my family, most of my cousins were born not just with a silver spoon, but with a golden one. They’ve had every privilege. Yet, thanks to our hard work and the good upbringing from our parents, we’ve made ourselves into self-made stars—yes, superstars.
When I close my eyes and look back, it all makes sense to me why my siblings and I are the way we are. Our experiences have shaped us.
I’ve decided to let people judge, let society misinterpret, let them think whatever they want. For so many years, my focus was on proving to everyone that we are good, that we matter. But you know what? That takes up so much energy. I’ve learned the hard way that if you want to make it big, the last thing you should care about is people’s opinions.
I know our truth. The three of us, in one way or another, carry the legacy of our parents—we are people of conscience, with strong values. I’m emotional, of course, and yes, I wish I had been more open, but I’m content with where I am today when it comes to my bond with them. Sure, I could have been there for them more, but even from a distance, I’m trying to play my role, and that’s okay. :)
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