You know we’ve always been taught either consciously or subconsciously that our bodies are supposed to look a particular way. If you deviate in any way from those pre-defined notions, you’re made fun of, given lessons, taunts, mockings, etc.
As far as my memory goes back to, I remember I’ve always met people or been in situations where I’m constantly reminded of how I am UGLY because I have extra fat on my arms or stomach or thighs per say.
Be it my own friends, mind you ‘best friends’, cousins, bollywood movies, news papers, social media - everyone has taught me how I lack in some way or the other because I have so much of extra fat. I’ve been called bhains, moti, dhemsi, saandh, hathi, hathni, my breasts have their own nick names too given by these people, tarbooz, papaya, factory etc!!
Ofcourse they’ll argue that they care for me and don’t want me to die so young with so many health issues. I don’t know about that but the impact it has been making on my self esteem since years has surely made me think of committing suicide because I am not GOOD ENOUGH.
I’ve only recently got married and trust me I’ve never had so much anxiety and mental stress ever than this whole period before and immediately after my marriage. Because, it was finally time to face all those insecurities which I’ve been dumping in the corner. The mere thought that my partner would see this UGLY body and the shame that it brought had me on my nerves. Making love to your partner-something that was meant to bring pleasure would make me tremble and shiver. Such is the extent of hatred for the body and fear of getting EXPOSED in front of my partner. I say exposed because I’ve been trying to HIDE all this extra fat for years now. How am I suddenly suppose to embrace this and how is another being suppose to LOVE this ? I’ve been going through a mental roller coster, really!
Luckily, I have a partner with whom I’ve discussed this and thankfully he has never forced me rather given me only time and acceptance. It’s rare to find such men, trust me, especially when we’ve been dating for so long now.
Anyways, the point is we’ve only been given messages that we are not good enough because we have extra fat on our body, we’re ugly and something to be ashamed of because we carry much more layers of fat on our body.
There might have been better ways too to make people aware about the repurcussions of obseity but we would adapt those only if we really understood the impact it has been making on people’s mental health.
Be it my own friends, mind you ‘best friends’, cousins, bollywood movies, news papers, social media - everyone has taught me how I lack in some way or the other because I have so much of extra fat. I’ve been called bhains, moti, dhemsi, saandh, hathi, hathni, my breasts have their own nick names too given by these people, tarbooz, papaya, factory etc!!
Ofcourse they’ll argue that they care for me and don’t want me to die so young with so many health issues. I don’t know about that but the impact it has been making on my self esteem since years has surely made me think of committing suicide because I am not GOOD ENOUGH.
I’ve only recently got married and trust me I’ve never had so much anxiety and mental stress ever than this whole period before and immediately after my marriage. Because, it was finally time to face all those insecurities which I’ve been dumping in the corner. The mere thought that my partner would see this UGLY body and the shame that it brought had me on my nerves. Making love to your partner-something that was meant to bring pleasure would make me tremble and shiver. Such is the extent of hatred for the body and fear of getting EXPOSED in front of my partner. I say exposed because I’ve been trying to HIDE all this extra fat for years now. How am I suddenly suppose to embrace this and how is another being suppose to LOVE this ? I’ve been going through a mental roller coster, really!
Luckily, I have a partner with whom I’ve discussed this and thankfully he has never forced me rather given me only time and acceptance. It’s rare to find such men, trust me, especially when we’ve been dating for so long now.
Anyways, the point is we’ve only been given messages that we are not good enough because we have extra fat on our body, we’re ugly and something to be ashamed of because we carry much more layers of fat on our body.
There might have been better ways too to make people aware about the repurcussions of obseity but we would adapt those only if we really understood the impact it has been making on people’s mental health.
And, why am I talking about this openly ? Because I’ve been experiencing it in my life now!! Also, we need to break the stigma around this, atleast I need to so that I can overcome my insecurities.
🤟
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