Growing up, there was a period when I had a lot of inferiority complex. You know, as a growing kid, you're in that phase where you either make a lot of friends or you stay alone, you gel up and bond with your cousins or you don't. And once this period is over, no matter how hard you try, you just don't fit in.
So many things were going on in life at that time. I won't be able to describe all that here, but due to all those situations and things, I started feeling as if there's something wrong with me.
I would not have the courage to talk to people, to bond with them because I was always afraid and very low at self confidence. It all started from there. I still have these self worth issues.
Moreover, I started having grudges with everyone around me. That poor little kid started hating 'God' for giving everyone an easy life except me and my family. The hardships that we've faced as a family were quite tough.
As kids, we do not understand stuff and we do not have the wisdom to look at it from a different perspective. I still carry that baggage from the past, the trauma, the guilt, the shame. But now I know better ways to deal with all this.
Because of all this, I'm not really close to any of my cousins or friends from childhood. Even now I hear from people around me of how I should've bonded and should've had a better social life, I really don't reply back. Because what's the point ?
As an outsider, it's easy to comment on someone's life without knowing their past. So I just smile and say yes I should've, but what can be done now ? 😊
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I'm very much grateful for the place I am in my life now and for the people I have, be it my friends, family or even colleagues.
I'm learning my lessons at my own pace ♥️
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